it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
