Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
