If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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