is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
