dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
