I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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