just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
