She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
