His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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