That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You made out with two different species that night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
