it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
