HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
