An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize