My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
