My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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