I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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