Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
