At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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