Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
