What did we do last night that was yellow?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
