i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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