there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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