You're completely useless in the revolution.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
