i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
