He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
