dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
