I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
