I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
