i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
