my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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