we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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