No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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