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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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