Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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