Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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