my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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