Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
