Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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