Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A+ Viking dick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
