I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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