party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
