guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
