What a fucking waste of an outfit
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
