I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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