I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
