We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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