Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
