the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
