NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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