i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
