I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
