I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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