He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
