I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
