first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize