I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
