She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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