i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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