i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
