I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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