I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
